Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

The Remorseful Day

Checking my email this morning, I see that PBS has a video about the final season of Endeavour. The video, it turns out, is simply Shaun Evans (who plays Endeavour Morse) reading A.E. Housman's poem, How Clear, How Lovely Bright.

I guess that the poem is meant to describe the stages of one's life, from youthful hope to regrets in old age. But yesterday's events - the shooting deaths of 19 children and 2 teachers in Uvalde, Texas - lay heavy on my mind, and I heard the poem in that mindset. A child's day should indeed begin lovely bright, with glee - but it ought not to end in such remorse.

How Clear, How Lovely Bright
by A.E. Housman

How clear, how lovely bright,
How beautiful to sight
Those beams of morning play;
How heaven laughs out with glee
Where, like a bird set free,
Up from the eastern sea
Soars the delightful day.

To-day I shall be strong,
No more shall yield to wrong,
Shall squander life no more;
Days lost, I know not how,
I shall retrieve them now;
Now I shall keep the vow
I never kept before.

Ensanguining the skies
How heavily it dies
Into the west away;
Past touch and sight and sound
Not further to be found,
How hopeless under ground
Falls the remorseful day.

 



Sunday, May 1, 2022

Haiku Challenge, Part Three

Here are the last of my haiku for this April challenge. With that, the thirty-day challenge is complete. Maybe I'll continue with weekly haiku, but no promises!

April 23 - a weakness

A leaning tree will someday fall. Without support, you will break as well.

April 24 - a hope you have for your life I changed one word in this, from what I posted on Instagram, where "might" was "will." I also decided to capitalize "She." Big changes, I know.

@HumanHaiku shared this one (the original version, of course).

I don’t expect great things, but hope people might say, “She was always kind.”

April 25 - something you miss In the summer, we kids would gather at the Banks’s, to play roundsies in their front yard. This was a version of kickball, in which players rotated through the fielding positions and the kicking position. It was ideal since we never could muster enough players to field two teams. It was also disorganized and chaotic, and was, according to Mom, the reason Gene Banks gave up on trying to grow a decent lawn.

The evening game was for fathers, and our older brothers. In reality, this probably happened just once, but it looms large in my memory. I remember cheers for a good hit, and discussions of the latest Pirates game. I remember my father drinking from a bottle of beer, a rarity. I remember showing my mom, and Marge Banks, that I’d figured out how to tie my shoes. It's all a fond memory, a small bit of neighborhood community.

Summer days were for kickball. Nights were for baseball, for watching our dads.

April 26 - anger

This is the version I submitted:

I soon regret my angry words. Can I instead learn to practice peace?

But I prefer this version, with its slight modification; the words (intonation? emphasis?) sound better to my ears.

I soon regret my angry words. Can I learn to practice peace instead?

April 27 - something that delights you

The trees are spring green with buds, tiny promises of splendor and joy.

Spring green in one of our trees

April 28 - a hard thing you're going through

I weigh my struggles; against the world’s challenges, mine appear so small.

April 29 - peace
I was not happy with this, but it was late in the day, so I called it done, even though I cringe every time I read it.

The world can’t promise peace; for that, we must turn to  a higher power.

April 30 - who you are as a human, now 
I wrote so many versions of this! I had woken in a bad mood, and the haiku reflected that, ha ha. I finally came up with this, which was not as dramatically dark as the others.

Can an old dog learn new tricks? I think so; with age come new adventures

Our Bernie, enjoying his adventures

Friday, April 22, 2022

Haiku Challenge, Part Two

More of the April Haiku. I had planned to post this on the 20th (its being a round number), but life happens... Anyway, here are my latest and greatest (and not-so-greatest).

April 12 - an accomplishment
This haiku describes a bit of music for trumpet. The music is the prelude to Domenico Zipoli's Suite in F Major. I first heard this in the early 1980s, on an LP I bought through a record-of-the-month club. The version I have now is on a CD, "Concertos pour trompette," and is played by Maurice André. 

That trumpeter’s song - the notes climb high, higher, while my heart holds its breath.

Here's a recording of that Prelude - enjoy! 


April 13 - when you feel most alive

Simple food, cooked for friends and family. We eat and enjoy together.

April 14 - grief

I long to chat with Mom again, share that funny story, fix the past.

April 15 - a place you feel safe @HumanHaiku shared this one. It's one of my favorites, too.

This home is kindness and love, trust and acceptance. Here, come as you are.

April 16 - something you love about yourself 

I’ve learned the folly of impatience. Wait and watch are better signposts.

April 17 - an emotion you've felt today Easter Sunday

His disciples shared Sorrow, Amazement, and Joy. Today, we sing Hope.

April 18 - what's happening in the world Woke up to a news report of multiple shootings over the weekend

More shootings today. Ten people, nine, ten more— But guns will protect us.

April 19 - what inspires you @HumanHaiku shared this one, too.

Some ideas don’t come til you begin, til you just put pen to paper.

April 20 - fear

Meeting the stranger, you’re cautious — but be assured: Love can displace fear.

April 21 - where you want to escape to

In the woods, safe from weather, a quiet spot to read, paths to wander

April 22 - an influential person in your life I remember doing math homework with my dad. He kept observing that I needed to write my numbers more neatly, or I'd add the wrong columns and get invalid results. I recently was tutoring a student in math, and found myself encouraging him to write his numbers more neatly...

He put worms on hooks, wanted tidy math papers, loved with kind patience.

Eight more days...! 

Bernie reminds you that it's
National Beagle Day



Monday, April 11, 2022

Haiku Challenge

I am fond of haiku as a poetic form. The Encyclopedia Britannica describes haiku as the "art of expressing much and suggesting more in the fewest possible words" [fn1]. The ability to convey an idea or image in three brief lines, following a (fairly) strict format, seems magical. For instance, here is a haiku by Matsuo Bashō, who wrote in the 1600s:

On a withered branch
A crow has alighted;
Nightfall in autumn.

I've occasionally tried my hand at creating haiku, but have never shared my poems (and I'm not sure I could find them now - probably they're stuck on a hard drive somewhere). I follow @HumanHaiku on Instagram, and for the month of April (National Poetry Month), they've created daily haiku prompts. I've committed to follow those prompts, and write a haiku each day.

So far, it's been an interesting process. I'm very happy with some of my haiku, and less than thrilled with others. I've never been good at anything that requires introspection, so that's been a real challenge. But, challenges notwithstanding, here are the haiku I've written so far.

April 1 - who you are as a human now Ugh. This is my least favorite of my haiku, but they do get better.

Family and friends, yarn and books, writing, walks with my thoughts and the dog.

April 2 - your childhood When I was twelve, my family was investigating a new church. On a Sunday in August, my mother and I attended our first service at this church. The chapel was simple - no stained glass windows here. In fact, with no air conditioning, the windows were probably open to the sounds of traffic outside. @HumanHaiku shared this one.

A new church, with Mom. Summer light thru windows. Hymns, prayers, welcome. We’re home.

April 3 - your teenage years I wasn't brave enough to actually address my teens! Instead, I wrote about my perspective as an adult, looking back.

Laughing in the food aisle, as songs my teen self lived by play overhead.

April 4 - becoming an adult

I’ve finally learned what should be said, and what ought to be left unsaid.

April 5 - your family Mom was a skilled pianist, but felt that we kids should learn piano from someone else. So she taught other kids, after school, so that we four could take our lessons (piano and other instruments - trumpet, flute, clarinet, violin) elsewhere.

Mom taught piano, then turned around and paid for our music lessons.

April 6 - change

Leaf-crunch yields to snow; snow muds into daffodils. We trust the seasons.

April 7 - your community I was pretty happy with this one.

We break bread, share joy, bear each other’s grief, and so build community.

April 8 - your favorite nature spot

The beagle and I, surrounded by trees, pause for the spring peepers’ song

April 9 - failure Mary Oliver's poem, "The Summer Day," includes the lines "Tell me, what is it you plan to do / with your one wild and precious life?" [fn2] My haiku is a bit of a nod to her language there. I sometimes look at my friends - here a CFO, there a published scholar, this one a mother who started a new career when the little ones grew up - and wonder what they think of my small and quiet accomplishments. Perhaps they shake their heads, but I am content. Among the haiku I've written so far, this is one of my favorites. @HumanHaiku shared this one.

If I am content with my small and quiet life, who’s to say that’s wrong?

April 10 - something you’re learning As I was preparing to retire from my programming job, I imagined myself tidying our home, organizing this room, deep cleaning another. Hah! Why did I think I was suddenly going to morph into this new person?

Before, I couldn’t find time for chores. Now I’ve learned to simply ignore them.

April 11 - something you know to be true

Winter has beauty, but when the cold outlasts the snow, Spring will return.

Tomorrow's prompt is "an accomplishment." Yikes.

fn1: See https://www.britannica.com/art/haiku

fn2: See https://www.loc.gov/programs/poetry-and-literature/poet-laureate/poet-laureate-projects/poetry-180/all-poems/item/poetry-180-133/the-summer-day/




Tuesday, March 29, 2022

The Dream Women Called

 In 2009, my sister Lori released a book of poems, House Where a Woman, which I reviewed in this post from 2012.

Last year, she released her second collection, The Dream Women Called, published by Autumn House Press. You can order a copy at Lori's website, LoriWilsonPoet.com, or from your favorite bookseller.

Releasing a book during a pandemic is not ideal; Lori was invited to poetry readings, but they were virtual instead of in-person. One positive was that I could attend her readings no matter where they were held. One negative was that virtual readings don't lead to many sales (so, you should buy her book!).

As I did before, I want to share a few passages from some of Lori's poems, along with some very brief thoughts. Again, I will warn readers that Lori and I are sisters, and thus my viewpoint is anything but objective.

* * *

When to Wake Is to Head down a Road (page 5). This poem describes the potential found in brightly colored threads, potential that might lead somewhere, but then again, might not. A few words conjure up the sounds and sights of a family gathering:

purple silk under my fingers calming in the chaos of smoke, loud talk, 
        heady smells: turkey, butter, black coffee, olives—

the whole family crowding my grandparents' apartment on Peebles Street—
        silver spoon against china cup, ice in a glass, strike of a match.

* * *

Canna Red and Orange (page 8). A mother considers her daughter's cross-country travels, and asks herself:

If what I feel is more envy than worry,
do I love her less?

* * *

In Annapolis and the Dare (page 9). This poem recounts a summer spent living and working with strangers, and conveys a hope and a longing that are left unsatisfied.

I was twenty years old.
I wanted both to be invisible
and to be seen.

. . . 

It was the summer of the bicentennial.
My boyfriend didn't visit
and back home the family dog died.
I dipped my cupped hand with the rest
into bright summer days;
their hands filled with sapphires,
mine with slippery silt, as if
I'd been tricked. I was
never alone, I was always alone
and that summer, a rough stone
began to rub raw a hollow inside me.

* * *

Afterword: For the Circuit Court Deputy Clerk (page 11). Here, the poet muses on the end of a marriage. (Note: I've messed up the formatting of this poem, but I think this is the best I can do with this blogger tool. Find a copy of the book so you can see it properly formatted!)

Dear Clerk: You take eighteen years of marriage, subtract isolation and cold, divide by a lover, again by a lie. Pack the remainder in a cardboard box and move out. I've been sifting through that box for seven years. You never stop asking how it happened. You never stop redoing the math.

* * *

Empty is Good (page 18). In its first two lines, this poem succinctly describes two widely disparate scenarios:

Empty like a dishwasher ready for loading
or empty like a cupboard and the paycheck spent?

* * *

The Day He Struck the Dog (page 22). This poem is painful to read, as the poet documents a moment that overflows with anguish and regret.

She climbed out of the cab,
knelt in the road with two strangers, their dog,
offered to drive them to their car, pay the vet.
She wanted to erase the anguish on their faces,
the dog's pain,
her own silence.

* * *

Mother Accused of Abandoning Children Turns Herself In (page 35). Some homes are filled with a relentless grind, and with a mother's despair and exhaustion.

Eight years with my kids in that house—
read them books between thin plywood walls,
fed them under dangling wires,
bathed them with hauled water
in the blue plastic tub.
Why am I telling you this—
you've decided what I am.

. . . 

And every winter, the snow came
and the same pipes froze
and the wood ran out.

* * *

North on the Caperton Trail (page 39). The poet observes the instinctive focus of a turtle laying her eggs, and wishes for a similar sureness in her own life.

She didn't retreat, and I tell you:
that day I wanted to be unevolved,
to know in the body, each cell affirming
what I should do.
Fear would be irrelevant,
fault and failure nothing but sound.
I wouldn't care who saw
and I wouldn't need praise or a prize at the end—
only my body's sure quiet 

* * *

My Mother Got a Lot of Things Wrong (page 51). This is one of my favorite poems in Lori's collection. The passage of time allows us to add some good memories to the bad, and we find we can grant each other some grace.

My Mother Got a Lot of Things Wrong

but when I was a kid
and afraid I'd swallow a straight pin,
she didn't laugh—
she helped me make a plan,
something to do with eating bread
(to coat the pin)
then visiting Dr. Hoffmeister.
So that's something.

I can't say I loved her.
But there was that straight pin thing
and the time she bought paint
so I could make a mural on my wall.
Also, the smocked christening dress
for the baby and a few other things
I've had fifteen years to remember.

* * *

I Wish I'd Loved the Bat (page 54). A bat invades the home, and the poet observes the kindness offered during its capture.

I wish I could've loved the bat
the way Mike loved it,
talking softly, crooning really,
to the bat he lifted slowly
and settled in the cage.

* * *

The Horse at Dunkard Creek (page 57). This poem is another of my favorites. After a bleak winter, the poet shares some small pleasures, some small victories.

I put the all-seasons back on the Corolla
and carried the snow tires
down to the basement the same day
instead of hauling them around
on the back seat for months.
What I worried was mice in the wall
turned out to be the refrigerator.
Today, I stood on the bank at Dunkard Creek
and the horse ate from my hand.
Iris swam for sticks as long as
I didn't throw them too far,
and the longer I looked at the water,
the more colors I saw.

* * *

Building the Spring House (page 66). After a morning's hard work, the poet encounters an unexpected delight.

It was midafternoon
when we stopped for lunch and I thought
to close the van, and I'd never seen a warbler
or any bird as perfect as the two—
yellow-green, black-hooded—
huddled in a sweatshirt on the seat.
I don't know why they let me lift them
in the nest of my cupped hands, or why
they made no sound, but rested in the ferns
before they flew.

* * *

I hope you will have the opportunity to hold this book in your hands, so that you can enjoy these poems, and others, in their entirety. 



Saturday, March 19, 2022

War Poetry

Back on February 25 - right after Russia attacked Ukraine - I attended an online poetry workshop, hosted by Pádraig Ó Tuama. It was called "Poetry Lab: Exploring Conflict Intelligence Through the Lens of a Single Poem," but on this occasion, Pádraig focused instead on war poetry, as a way to put language around powerlessness.

In my notes, I have four items listed regarding war poetry (which probably sounded more coherent coming from Pádraig, but this is what I have to offer):

  1. A lament
  2. Clear-eyed about death
  3. Bears witness - raises up a small voice
  4. Holds out hope for anthropological change

He shared three poems, which I've linked to here:

One of the participants observed that these three poems teach that we must speak up against war; that speaking up doesn't help; and that the earth will remember, regardless.

Kaminsky's poem circulated widely on social media, in the first days of the Ukraine war. A few lines:

And when they bombed other people’s houses, we

protested
but not enough, we opposed them but not

enough. 

Carruth's poem declares that writing poems about war doesn't change a thing:

but death went on and on
never looking aside

except now and then
with a furtive half-smile
to make sure I was noticing.

Finally, Eckermann's poem bluntly states:

Wildflowers will not grow
where the bone powder
lies
I think that all the poems speak truth, but I hope that someday Carruth will be wrong, that we will recognize the futility of war, that it solves nothing.

(I've been reading Proclaim Peace, by Patrick Q Mason and J David Pulsipher, and find it informing my thinking on this.)



Deer behaving peacefully

Tuesday, March 8, 2022

Choose Kindness

I started this blog back in 2010, and posted regularly for a few years, until October 2014. I don't know what happened next - there was one post in 2015, and then nothing - complete silence for nearly seven years!

When I retired, I decided that I would resume blogging, even if I'm the only person who reads it. A few days ago, I spent time cleaning up broken widgets (so my blog no longer crashes) and remembering how to create posts (still vague on that, but at least I have a clue). I've been going through old pictures, trying to identify major events that happened during this period (we've had significant health issues, lots of family weddings, the arrival of new nieces and nephews, and the addition of Bernie to our pack, to name just a few).

For now, as I move forward with new posts, and try to figure out what I want this blog to be, I'll share a poem by Steve Garnaas-Holmes (from his website https://unfoldinglight.net/2022/03/ ). I like its simple message: Christ chose healing and kindness; we can do the same.

Mother hen

           Some Pharisees said to him, “Herod wants to kill you.”
           He said to them, “Go and tell that fox,
           ‘Today and tomorrow I am performing cures.’
           Oh, Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often have I desired
           to gather your children together
           as a hen gathers her brood under her wings…”

                           —from Luke 13.31-34

Holy One, my Beloved, my Savior, my Chief,
you choose to be a hen in the realm of the fox.
You choose kindness in the face of evil.

Give me faith to do the same,
to heal instead of hurting,
to choose kindness even when threatened.

Give me courage to be a mother hen
in a world of foxes,
for always I am under your wings.


Monday, September 15, 2014

Did I Miss Anything?

In early September, I came across a poem and a TED talk that both illustrate the importance of thinking and learning and participating.

The poem is delightful - two responses to the question that must drive teachers crazy: Did I miss anything?
Did I Miss Anything?
by Tom Wayman

Nothing. When we realized you weren’t here
we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours

     Everything. I gave an exam worth
     40 percent of the grade for this term
     and assigned some reading due today
     on which I’m about to hand out a quiz
     worth 50 percent

Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose

     Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
     a shaft of light suddenly descended and an angel
     or other heavenly being appeared
     and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
     to attain divine wisdom in this life and
     the hereafter
     This is the last time the class will meet
     before we disperse to bring the good news to all people
          on earth.

Nothing. When you are not present
how could something significant occur?

     Everything. Contained in this classroom
     is a microcosm of human experience
     assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
     This is not the only place such an opportunity has been
          gathered

     but it was one place

     And you weren’t here
Jim and I watched a TED talk by Ken Jennings, of Jeopardy fame. He talked about his experience playing Jeopardy against a supercomputer, and how he felt that his skill - being a know-it-all - was being phased out. But then he talked about the advantages of just knowing things, and shared a remarkable story.
I always think of the story of a little girl named Tilly Smith. She was a 10-year-old girl from Surrey, England on vacation with her parents a few years ago in Phuket, Thailand. She runs up to them on the beach one morning and says, "Mom, Dad, we've got to get off the beach." And they say, "What do you mean? We just got here." And she said, "In Mr. Kearney's geography class last month, he told us that when the tide goes out abruptly out to sea and you see the waves churning way out there, that's the sign of a tsunami, and you need to clear the beach." What would you do if your 10-year-old daughter came up to you with this? Her parents thought about it, and they finally, to their credit, decided to believe her. They told the lifeguard, they went back to the hotel, and the lifeguard cleared over 100 people off the beach, luckily, because that was the day of the Boxing Day tsunami, the day after Christmas, 2004, that killed thousands of people in Southeast Asia and around the Indian Ocean. But not on that beach, not on Mai Khao Beach, because this little girl had remembered one fact from her geography teacher a month before.
Isn't that a great story? Who knows when some bit of knowledge is going to be handy. He talks about choosing to keep on learning, and offers this:
We make that choice by being curious, inquisitive people who like to learn, who don't just say, "Well, as soon as the bell has rung and the class is over, I don't have to learn anymore," or "Thank goodness I have my diploma. I'm done learning for a lifetime. I don't have to learn new things anymore." No, every day we should be striving to learn something new. We should have this unquenchable curiosity for the world around us. That's where the people you see on "Jeopardy" come from. These know-it-alls, they're not Rainman-style savants sitting at home memorizing the phone book. I've met a lot of them. For the most part, they are just normal folks who are universally interested in the world around them, curious about everything, thirsty for this knowledge about whatever subject.
It's a interesting and entertaining talk - go watch it!

Of course, if Bonnie asks did I miss anything? she is talking about either food, or Good Smells:

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Famous for....?

Finding a poem used to involve a bit of leg work. I can remember going to the library, armed with a poem's title. I'd look it up in the Granger's Index, which would in turn direct me toward an anthology or a magazine. With luck, the library would have one of those in its collection, and I could finally find and enjoy the poem.

It is so much easier today. A while ago, my nephew shared a snippet of a poem by Naomi Shihab Nye. All I had to do was turn on my computer and Google a few words, and voila! there was the entire poem, on the Poetry Foundation's website:
Famous
By Naomi Shihab Nye

The river is famous to the fish.

The loud voice is famous to silence,  
which knew it would inherit the earth  
before anybody said so.  

The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds  
watching him from the birdhouse.  

The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek.  

The idea you carry close to your bosom  
is famous to your bosom.  

The boot is famous to the earth,  
more famous than the dress shoe,  
which is famous only to floors.

The bent photograph is famous to the one who carries it  
and not at all famous to the one who is pictured.  

I want to be famous to shuffling men  
who smile while crossing streets,  
sticky children in grocery lines,  
famous as the one who smiled back.

I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,  
or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,  
but because it never forgot what it could do.  
This poem (along with my habit of scanning the obituary page) leads me to wonder what I will be remembered for. I hesitate to use the word "famous," since I am pretty sure that term will never apply to my life. But I hope my friends and family will remember me, not only as one who quietly observed from the sidelines, but also as one who was kind, and who looked for the best in others, and who smiled easily.

Speaking of famous... Highlights, in the August issue of their High Five magazine, had an article about stuffed animals enjoying a pretend campfire with pretend s'mores. Annie lent her elephant (that I had knit) for a photo, so now it is famous!


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Cattails

I recently read this this poem in a blog post:
Wandrers Nachtlied II, by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
translated as Wayfarer's Night Song II, by Hyde Flippo

Over all the hilltops
is calm.
In all the treetops
you feel
hardly a breath of air.
The little birds fall silent in the woods.
Just wait... soon
you'll also be at rest.
The blog post referred to the death of a man who apparently was well-known to long-time readers, but whose name meant nothing to me. But the poem was a gift - a pleasant surprise - an acknowledgement of peace and beauty. Lately, work has not been very satisfactory, and the best part of my day has been those times when I can escape for a walk with Bonnie.

Here are some photos, to share some of what Bonnie and I enjoy:

Friendship Village, July 1

Asylum Lake, looking west, July 4

Asylum Lake Preserve, July 12

This next scene reminds me of Mom. Growing up, she ensured that our home was always attractive, and she regularly added touches to enhance the simple decor. We went through a phase where the favorite was thistles and cattails, arranged in a large vase on the fireplace hearth. In our travels, it didn't matter where we were - if Mom saw cattails by the roadside, we stopped to gather them.

Asylum Lake, July 12

Asylum Lake, July 12

Friendship Village, July 17

Friendship Village, July 17

Friendship Village, July 17

Friendship Village, July 17

Friendship Village, July 17

Asylum Lake Preserve, July 20

Asylum Lake Preserve, July 20

Gratuitous beagle photo - these walks can wear her out!

July 4

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Thanksgiving

A few months ago, I was looking for a birthday gift for one of my young friends. A display at the front of Bookbug had just what I needed, a splendid picture book. I then wandered around the store a bit, and found a basket labeled Poems for your pocket. It contained papers, the edges cut with pinking shears, each the right size for its poem. I picked one up (from the top of the pile), and shoved it into my pocket (as per instructions).

Back home, I pulled it out and read The Hedgehog, by Aimee Nezhukumatathil. It was a poem of folklore -- of a hedgehog growing in the womb with the baby -- and it caught my fancy. The next time I was at Bookbug, I looked for the collection with that poem, and was not disappointed. I found Lucky Fish on the poetry shelf, near that basket, and brought a copy home with me.

I shared Aimee's poem Mosquitoes in an earlier post. Here's another from her book:
Thanksgiving
by Aimee Nezhukumatathil

The only year I don't remember the turkey
was the year I first dined with the man

I would marry. Blessed be the bowl
of sweet potatoes, mallow melted

in a pool of swirly cream. Blessed be no
seating assignments so I could sit

next to him. Around the table: a physicist,
an engineer, a philosopher, another poet,

a harpist. There were others too, but
I don't remember what weepy thanks

was offered, what linens, or whether
the china was rimmed with a neat print

of ivy or gold. But I've committed the soap
and clean blade of his neck to memory.

I know the folds of his oxford, a bit
wrinkled from a long drive. During dinner,

the physicist said A cricket won't burn
if it is thrown into afire. Everyone laughed.

Some wanted to find a cricket to see
if it was really true. But this man—the man

I married—he grew quiet. Concerned. He's the kind
of guy who would've fished the cricket out of the flame.
This poem makes me think of my Jim. He is clever and wise, and he is loyal and patient. He is loving, and he has a tender heart - a heart that would care for the cricket.

I am so thankful for his goodness and his love.

And for his heart, that cares for our girl

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Unexpected Goodbyes

On February 20, we got a call from Jim's sister-in-law Karen. Jim's brother Vic - Karen's husband - had died early that morning.1 His death was sudden and unexpected;2 we were all rather stunned.

Jim's relationship with Vic was never easy, but Vic mellowed over time, and our last few holiday visits were pleasant (if still not quite modeling the Walton family). Vic enjoyed his growing family, as suggested by this photo of him and little A, watching for airplanes. I thought this was one of the sweetest of all the memories that were being shared after his death.


We were delighted that Karen and Vic had been able to travel to Pasadena, to watch Vic's favorite team, MSU, defeat Stanford in the Rose Bowl Game.


We knew he was looking forward to getting his new Springer Spaniel puppy. These last memories of Vic were good ones, and so his death brought more sadness than regret.

In my family, the legendary sudden death was that of my maternal grandmother, our Nanny, Opal Lee Picklesimer Childress.3 In 1955, my parents were living in Taconite Harbor, Minnesota, and Mom's parents were in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was born that April, and Papa and Nanny came to visit.

Then, in June, my dad suggested that Mom should take David (3 1/2 years old) and me to see her folks. Mom thought that was silly - her parents had just been there in April, after all - but Dad persuaded her. So she loaded David and me into the car, and made the trip. While she was visiting, on June 19, Nanny had a massive stroke, and died instantly.

She was only 52 years old. My mother was just 30, and her own family was just barely started. It was a hard loss for her. I remember, one Mother's day, finding Mom in her bedroom, crying. Like all of us, she wanted her mother (I hope I at least gave her a hug).

Mom shared with me, later, what a comfort it was to her, that she and Nanny were on good terms, and that they had a close relationship, when her mother died. She harbored no regrets. And, of course, she was grateful to Dad for his enabling what turned out to be their last time together.

I was thinking of all this when I came across a poem by Aimee Nezhukumatathil, in her book Lucky Fish.
Mosquitoes
by Aimee Nezhukumatathil

When my father wanted to point out galaxies
or Andromeda or the Seven Sisters, I'd complain
of the huzz of mosquitoes, or of the yawning
moon-quiet in that slow, summer air. All I wanted

was to go inside into our cooled house and watch TV
or paint my nails. What does a fifteen-year-old girl
know of patience? What did I know of the steady turn
of whole moon valleys cresting into focus?

Standing there in our driveway with him,
I smacked my legs, my arms, and my face
while I waited for him to find whatever pinhole
of light he wanted me to see. At night, when I washed

my face, I'd find bursts of blood and dried bodies
slapped into my skin. Complaints at breakfast about
how I'd never do it again, how I have more homework
now, Dad. How I can't go to school with bites all over

my face anymore, Dad.        Now—I hardly
ever say no. He has plans to go star-gazing
with his grandson and for once, I don't protest.
He has plans. I know one day he won't ask me,

won't be there to show me the rings of Saturn
glowing gold through the eyepiece. He won't be there
to show me how the moons of Jupiter jump
if you catch them on a clear night. I know

one day I will look up into the night sky
searching, searching—I know the mosquitoes
will still have their way with me—
and my father won't hear me complain.
Let's say "yes" to family and friends, whenever we can, for as long as we can.



1. Victor John VanderRoest. Nov 28, 1950 - Feb 20, 2014

2. Vic died of an aortic dissection. Apparently the tendency for this is hereditary, detectable, and treatable. I'm hoping to persuade Jim to pursue testing.

3. Opal Lee Picklesimer Childress. May 12, 1903 - June 19, 1955

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Who Left the Faucet Running???

Here's a poem that surely applies to fathers everywhere:
The Immutable Laws
by Maxine Kumin

Never buy land on a slope, my father declared
the week before his heart gave out.
We bit down hard on a derelict dairy farm
of tilting fields, hills, humps and granite outcrops.

Never bet what you can't afford to lose,
he lectured. I bet my soul on a tortured horse
who never learned to love, but came to trust me.

Spend your money close to where you earn it,
he dictated. Nothing made him crosser
than wives who drove to New York to go shopping
when Philly stores had everything they needed.

This, the grab bag of immutable laws
circa 1940 when I was the last
child left at home to be admonished:

Only borrow what you know you can repay.
Your mother used to run up dress-shop bills
the size of the fifth Liberty Loan,
his private hyperbole. It took me years

to understand there'd been five loans
launched to finance the First World War,
the one he fought in, the war to end all wars.

What would this man who owed no man, who kept
his dollars folded in a rubber band,
have thought of credit cards, banking online?
Wars later, clear as water, I hear him say

reconcile your checkbook monthly, and oh!
always carry a clean handkerchief.
I've always looked for my father's approval. Growing up, I felt satisfied that my skills at least somewhat mirrored his - my interests in school were more aligned with math and science than with the arts (like my engineer father, I always believed). We shared the books we read. I remember planting trees with him, and spent at least some time helping him around the house. When I checked for my car keys before slamming the car trunk shut, he nodded in approval.

Years later, when Dad was in rehab after his stroke, I helped Mom install a hand-held shower head in their bathroom. Plumbing had never been my forte, so I was pleased that we managed this before Dad returned home, and anticipated his congratulatory comments. Alas, no praise was forthcoming - a change in his personality or demeanor that I attributed to his stroke; I mourned the loss of that approval.

I ponder all this today, as we do something that would most likely horrify Dad: We are running the tap in our small bathroom continuously, at a pencil-sized stream. We are doing this all the time. Around the clock. Non-stop.

Why are we doing this? A recent Gazette article asserts that this is the worst winter for frozen water pipes in 35 years. Because of this, the Kalamazoo Public Services Department has issued a "strong warning," asking that residents run a tap constantly, to prevent frozen water lines.
Normal frost depths in the Kalamazoo area are 1 to 3 feet, but this year the frost line has reached 3 to 5 feet deep, according to Ritsema. He said city officials are anticipating frost to yet reach deeper into the ground, since temperatures warmed some this week and are expected to dip below freezing again next week.

"A lot of the thawing occurs from the top down," Ritsema explained. "We project this potentially going into April or May before we're out of the woods with respect to services not freezing."

The city is asking that all residential customers, including those outside the city limits, with a water service line of 1 inch in diameter or smaller run their water to one faucet in a stream the width of pencil.

Notwithstanding this information, and this excellent pictorial explanation, it is all I can do to keep myself from running into our bathroom to turn off that faucet. Letting it flow continuously just seems WRONG. (I can picture my father shaking his head.)

And we might have to do this until MAY? Surely not. Surely it will warm up before then.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

And Are There Angels Hovering Overhead? Hark!

Bonnie and I enjoyed our walk today. Snow fell, and winds blew. She was pretty beat by the time we got home:

She looks pretty satisfied, don't you think?

We put up our tree today. As we do every year, we smiled at the cheerful declaration on the box: "Assembles in minutes!" This year, it assembled in about three hours worth of minutes:


We still need to add the ornaments, but the lights brighten the room, and make it feel like Christmas - that, and the snow. We should have a Christmas poem, too:
December
by Gary Johnson

A little girl is singing for the faithful to come ye
Joyful and triumphant, a song she loves,
And also the partridge in a pear tree
And the golden rings and the turtle doves.
In the dark streets, red lights and green and blue
Where the faithful live, some joyful, some troubled,
Enduring the cold and also the flu,
Taking the garbage out and keeping the sidewalk shoveled.
Not much triumph going on here—and yet
There is much we do not understand.
And my hopes and fears are met
In this small singer holding onto my hand.
           Onward we go, faithfully, into the dark
           And are there angels hovering overhead? Hark.


Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Lonely harvest

I love fall, but there is something of loneliness there, too. I took this photo in October, when Bonnie and I were walking at Asylum Lake. It was a beautiful day, and this scene shares that beauty, but it struck me as lonely, too - a foreshadowing of the desolate, late fall, days to come.


It called to mind this poem, which also speaks of desolation and loss, this time in a garden setting. The poem, in turn, calls to mind my father, and I wish we could chat for a bit.

Just as the poem hints of spring gardens to come, I look forward to more father-daughter talks someday.
Lonely Harvest
by Margaret S. Mullins

As a child, my father helped me dig
a square of dense red clay, mark off rows
where zinnias would grow,
and radishes and tender spinach leaves.
He'd stand with me each night
as daylight drained away
to talk about our crops leaning on his hoe
as I would practice leaning so on mine.

Years later now in my big garden plot,
the soggy remnant stems of plants
flopped over several months ago,
the ground is cold, the berries gone,
the stakes like hungry sentries
stand guarding empty graves. And still
I hear his voice asking what I think
would best be planted once the weather warms.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Dogs and Small Boys

My nephew and niece, Jon and Laura, are moving soon, from Chicago to Virginia. This means that our two to two-and-a-half hour trip to visit them will become a ten to eleven hour trip instead. We are thrilled that they have found gainful employment, but we are sad that they'll be so far away.

Much to our delight, they came for a visit on Friday. We ate some lunch (Jon was starving), and played in the park (I think the park is the highlight for the little guys). Then we all headed to the fairground, where there are dog shows all weekend. Friday's show was sponsored by the Grand Rapids Kennel Club.

When going to a dog show, I highly recommend taking along several small boys. It will shorten your stay - we only made it through a couple Best in Group judgings - but the handlers we met were delighted to talk with M and C, and help them pet the dogs. (Admittedly, you should try to find several small boys who are also exceedingly charming.)

When we watched the hound group (my favorite, because: Beagles!), we were positioned at the far end of the ring from the actual judging. So the handlers were pretty relaxed as they came our way, and they chatted with the boys, and showed off their dogs a bit.

Here are C and one of the dogs (unfortunately, I have no great pictures of M):

Mutual admiration: C and a Saluki
These photos (also from the hound group) were taken without flash, and therefore are a bit shaky.

Elkhound, adoring his handler
(and, I suspect, waiting
for a treat)

Petit Basset Griffon Vendéen (PBGV),
just being cute

Beagles! Large (15") and Small (13")
We saw dogs being groomed, and dogs that were just hanging out. I met my first Leonberger - a good looking (albeit very large) fellow. Lots of Corgis wandering around - it must have been near time for their judging. We saw some tiny little Chihuahuas heading out, and many other breeds, all of which M pointed out with glee. (It was delightful to have M take my hand and drag me off to see some dog or other.)

We headed back home, where - surprise! - we went to the park again. After dinner, we played Farkle, and had Laura and Jon show us (again - Joyce had taught us last summer) how to play Liar's Dice. I clearly was at a disadvantage - I could not remember the rules at all (I'm sure everyone was tired of my repeatedly asking for yet another explanation, although everyone was unfailingly polite). I definitely had no clue regarding strategy! Ah well.

Speaking of dogs... I recently read Mary Oliver's Dog Songs. I generally enjoy Mary Oliver's poetry, and (as any who have read my blog will know) I am somewhat fond of dogs. Accordingly, I thought this would be the perfect book - but not so. Shortly after starting this book, I heard the quote from Oscar Wilde, "All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling," and immediately thought of the Oliver book. It is clear she genuinely loves her dogs, but the poetry is, for the most part, below the quality I am used to seeing in her work.

Still, there were some that I liked. I first heard this one on The Writer's Almanac, back in September.
How It Is with Us, and How It Is with Them
by Mary Oliver

We become religious,
then we turn from it,
then we are in need and maybe we turn back.
We turn to making money,
then we turn to the moral life,
then we think about money again.
We meet wonderful people, but lose them
     in our busyness.
We're, as the saying goes, all over the place.
Steadfastness, it seems,
is more about dogs than about us.
One of the reasons we love them so much.
I did like the pencil drawings in the book; my favorite is the cover photo of Ben, who reminds me of our Bonnie.

Bonnie, for whom life is
all about the smells