Friday, July 8, 2022

Miss Mary Bennet

If you're a fan of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, then you'll know who Mary Bennet is: the rather dull and pedantic third daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet. 

Thanks to Katherine Cowley, we have a new look at Mary Bennet, one that sees her come into her own as a clever and observant spy, and a maturing young woman. In the Austen book, Mary was only 18 or 19; Kathy's series sees her growing into herself, and into a character that we can be quite fond of.

Kathy's first novel, The Secret Life of Miss Mary Bennet, was published in April, 2021. It was nominated for all sorts of awards (the Edgar Awards's Simon & Schuster Mary Higgins Clark Award; the Whitney Awards's Best Mystery/Thriller; and the Whitney Awards's Best Novel by a Debut Author), and rightly so! This book was a delight to read. The story honored the character created by Jane Austen, but imagined her life after Longbourn. This is the Mary we rolled our eyes at in Pride and Prejudice; now we get to see her on her own, and watch her begin to (very slowly) blossom. I appreciated seeing this new side of Mary Bennet, as she examined herself and her situation and tried to take charge of her life. 

The second of the series, The True Confessions of a London Spy, was published in April, 2022. Mary is still blundering a bit, but we see her much more confident in her role as a spy. Mary in action is becoming a woman who is clever and intelligent, observant and thoughtful (and handy with a teapot). Set against the well-researched history of the period, the book is fascinating and compelling. 

The third of the books, The Lady's Guide to Death and Deception, will be published in September, 2022. I am looking forward to Mary's further adventures, and have eagerly placed my preorder with our local bookseller. 

Monday, July 4, 2022

Life Does Go On

Some days, I feel depressed. This is generally triggered by doing something that I almost immediately regret. Maybe something major, that impacts a relationship; maybe something minor, that is easily resolved; maybe just something dumb, that really doesn't matter at all; maybe something I said that came out wrong. Sometimes my actions in a dream are enough to trigger the heavy despair.

I maintain a mental list of these failings. Whenever there's something new, I pull up the list, review it, and add the new offense. Sometimes I manage to drop an item from the list, but there are some that have been there for years, always lurking at the back of my mind, ready to appear and taunt.

Pulling out the list and rehashing my faults is, of course, a truly bad idea. It tends to throw me into that depressive funk, and it's hard to climb back out. My good hubby treads softly whenever this happens, and I do my best not to blame him for my own negative self-talk.

I went through this a few weeks ago. I don't need to relate what triggered it, but I was feeling pretty low. Finally, I hopped into the car with Bernie, and drove over to Kleinstuck Preserve. Walking there, I at last found some peace, and could believe that most things can be fixed; life does go on; and I can keep trying to be the person I hope to be.

A haiku for that day:

I rehearse my faults, But the woods calm and remind: You can try again.

That day in Kleinstuck Preserve


Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Knowing Our LGBTQ Brothers and Sisters

I want to share several books I've read. These are written by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The authors are gay, and write to explain how they reconcile this orientation with their commitment to the Church. 

I read these in an effort to understand more clearly what this commitment requires. Each book offered its own perspective, and I found them helpful in my effort to be an ally for my fellow saints, and to recognize the challenges faced by gay members of my church.

Please keep these caveats in mind:

  1. Each of these books was written at a point in time, and the author shared their story as of that moment. Their life did not stop at that point. Their perspective and viewpoint may well have changed since then, and it may change in the future. 
  2. Each of these books presents the author's approach to living life as a gay member of the church. They each emphasize that they are sharing their story, and that their story shouldn't be held up as "the" answer for all gay members of the Church. 

Several years ago, I read Tom Christofferson's book, That We May Be One: A Gay Mormon’s Perspective on Faith & Family, published by Deseret Book in 2017. The thing that most impressed me in Tom's story was the way his family supported him. He wrote of a time when he had left the Church, and was dating. His family was planning a reunion, and some of Tom's brothers were uncomfortable with Tom's bringing his boyfriend, to the extent that one family thought they might not bring their children if Tom's boyfriend came. 

My mother said [talking to Tom and his siblings and their spouses] . . . "I thought we really had it all figured out, that we were the perfect Mormon family. But then life happens, and I realized that there is no perfect Mormon family. The only thing we can really be perfect at is loving each other." The she addressed my brothers and sisters-in-law and said, "The most important lesson your children will learn from how our family treats their Uncle Tom is that nothing they can ever do will take them outside the circle of our family's love."

Tom described how, after twenty years away, he began his return to the Church. His is a remarkable story of the love and acceptance he felt from others, and I encourage you to read it. 

A few years ago, I started reading Ben Schilaty's blog, Ben There, Done That. Later, I listened to the podcast he cohosts with Charlie Bird, Questions From the Closet. Both are terrific resources, and I encourage you to check them out. 

In 2021, Deseret Book published Ben's book, A Walk in my Shoes: Questions I’m Often Asked as a Gay Latter-day Saint. He writes about navigating life as a gay man in a very conservative and family-oriented church. As the title suggests, he responds to questions people ask, but the overarching question he addresses is, "why would a gay person stay in this church?"

This book is full of stories from Ben's life, and those stories are readable and relatable. He closes with this plea:

There are people knocking [reaching out] right now, and not just LGBTQ people. People who are married or single. People with children and people without children. People who are overwhelmed with all they have to do and people who are at home alone wishing they had more to do. People who have doubts about their beliefs. People of different ethnic backgrounds and cultures. So many people who just want to be heard and understood. If we are to build Zion, we must create a place where hearts and minds come together and where everyone belongs. This happens as we respond to the knocking we hear, as we throw open the door and welcome people in.

I recommend folks read Ben's book for understanding and insight, and then follow his example of responding to the knocking, of reaching out to others.

Meghan Decker's book, Tender Leaves of Hope: Finding Belonging as LGBTQ Latter-day Saint Women, was published this past April, by Cedar Fort, Inc. I've known Meghan for years, through church, but she came out as gay just last year. In her book, she shares her story of hiding her orientation throughout her life, until finally coming out to herself, later to her husband, and finally to her family. She includes insights from other LGBTQ women as well. The result is a frank discussion of what it looks like to be both LGBTQ and a committed member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I would describe Meghan as very introspective, and her book reflects this. Where Ben teaches through story, Meghan shares not only her story, but also her thought process, as she tries to figure out what life will look like as a gay Latter-day Saint. Her insights are a gift to the reader who is trying to learn how to support gay members of the Church.

Meghan's perspective is presented here:

I have heard Church members express their belief in the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ for all afflictions and their subsequent confusion over the lack of "healing" for members who experience same-sex attraction. They are mistaken about what needs to be healed. I experience the healing power of the Savior as He takes away my shame, my fear, and my sorrow over my orientation. But as I stop viewing my orientation as an affliction, He is able to open my eyes to see the power and blessing and gift of it.

I know many people who are LGBTQ and devoted members of the Church. If faithfulness was a condition for becoming straight, they would qualify. I don't think God is intending to change my orientation. Instead, He is changing my understanding of who I am and the glorious future He has for me as a gay Latter-day Saint.

Meghan's website, with her blog posts and other writings, is Meghan Decker

* * *

These books, and others, are important, because they help us see our gay brothers and sisters as real people, with multiple dimensions, and not as some caricature portrayed by the media or by culture. Meghan wrote, 

Elizabeth says she would like to be open and honest because "people in church don't have much empathy for us, but they'll never develop it if they don't know about us."

As Brené Brown said, "People are hard to hate close up." These books help us to get closer to our brothers and sisters; to know them; and to love them as God does.



Friday, June 3, 2022

It's All Very Bleak

It's been ten days since the murder of nineteen children and two teachers, and the wounding of seventeen others, in Uvalde, Texas. Since then, there have been twenty more mass shootings (according to the Gun Violence Archive). In these additional shootings, seventeen persons were killed, and eighty-eight were injured. (In those ten days, if you count all shootings, and not just mass shootings, 499 persons have died, and 115 have been injured). 

That's a lot of people. Once again, I ask myself: why do people need guns? I understand that some are used for hunting. Some are used for target shooting. And maybe some are for self-defense (although having those guns in your home is more likely to increase the chance for accidental injury, homicide, and suicide than to protect you.)

Guns are really good at killing people - especially guns developed for the military, and guns modeled after them. Why does anyone need a weapon like that? I just can't wrap my head around it. 

I've realized that calling for "common sense gun legislation" is a non-starter. The immediate reaction seems to be "don't touch my guns" - even after the deaths of all those children in Uvalde, and the children who die from accidental shootings, and the children who die from domestic violence, and the children who die of suicide because a gun was handy. Accordingly, I'm trying to reframe my requests to be more specific, such as these from Moms Demand Action: background checks on all gun sales; red flag laws; safe storage laws.

Another outcome of this shooting is that I've lost confidence that we can rely on the police. It is painful to write those words; I've always had respect for police officers, and my own experiences with them have only been positive. But the officers in Uvalde appear to have done little to stop the gunman. It appears that they waited outside the classroom, doing nothing, for an hour. Meanwhile, children were calling 911, begging for help. I don't understand how these officers could just stand there, seemingly doing nothing. It breaks my heart. I find myself rehearsing in my mind all the stories of police (mis)behavior that I've heard, and I wonder: are bad cops actually the rule, and good cops the exception?

It is all very bleak, so here's a bleak haiku:

His anger aims the
gun. Children fall to the floor;
good guys wait outside.

Composite illustration of the 21 victims (Family handouts/Reuters)


Wednesday, May 25, 2022

The Remorseful Day

Checking my email this morning, I see that PBS has a video about the final season of Endeavour. The video, it turns out, is simply Shaun Evans (who plays Endeavour Morse) reading A.E. Housman's poem, How Clear, How Lovely Bright.

I guess that the poem is meant to describe the stages of one's life, from youthful hope to regrets in old age. But yesterday's events - the shooting deaths of 19 children and 2 teachers in Uvalde, Texas - lay heavy on my mind, and I heard the poem in that mindset. A child's day should indeed begin lovely bright, with glee - but it ought not to end in such remorse.

How Clear, How Lovely Bright
by A.E. Housman

How clear, how lovely bright,
How beautiful to sight
Those beams of morning play;
How heaven laughs out with glee
Where, like a bird set free,
Up from the eastern sea
Soars the delightful day.

To-day I shall be strong,
No more shall yield to wrong,
Shall squander life no more;
Days lost, I know not how,
I shall retrieve them now;
Now I shall keep the vow
I never kept before.

Ensanguining the skies
How heavily it dies
Into the west away;
Past touch and sight and sound
Not further to be found,
How hopeless under ground
Falls the remorseful day.

 



Thursday, May 19, 2022

Michigan's Spring Green

Spring in Michigan comes slowly. For a while, the trees wear just a hint of green, their leaves just starting to appear. Gradually they relax and open, until one day, we're out walking and discover a canopy of green.

Here's a haiku celebrating this annual miracle:

Softly, quietly, leaves unfurl, and we see trees waving their new green.

Kleinstuck Preserve


Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Let's Listen and Hear Each Other

 I recently read a quote by David Augsburger:

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable. [fn1]

Such good advice. This requires that I set down my phone, my book, my knitting, my camera - whatever is claiming my attention - so that I can properly listen to and hear another person.

I wrote a haiku using this quote as a prompt:

Will you listen when
I tell my story? Will you
hear my joy and pain?

Just listen. Just hear. That's all.

Even beagle ears are for hearing

fn1: From his book, Caring Enough to Hear and Be Heard (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1983)

Friday, May 6, 2022

Knitting from Stash / Yarn Chicken

Over the years, I've acquired a good bit of yarn. I won't get into specifics; let's just say it's A Lot. Accordingly, I'm trying to ignore all the enticing yarn that I see on social media, and instead knit from my stash. My latest effort involved some beautiful yarn from Studio June Yarns, Squishy Soft Worsted:

Honey Mustard

National Forest

I used this to knit a baby blanket, using the Drifting Stripes 8-Hour Baby Blanket pattern by JoAnne Turcotte. This is a great pattern; it knits up fairly quickly, and creates a yummy blanket - thick and squishy, perfect for snuggling a fall baby.


I weighed the leftover yarn, and thought there'd be enough to knit the Pittsburgh Steelers Hat by Lorna Miser - although it might be close. I shortened the green ribbing, and still had to stop the colorwork early, because I'd run out of green yarn. But I think it turned out well in spite of losing yarn chicken:


Next up: another Musselburgh hat.

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Haiku Challenge, Part Three

Here are the last of my haiku for this April challenge. With that, the thirty-day challenge is complete. Maybe I'll continue with weekly haiku, but no promises!

April 23 - a weakness

A leaning tree will someday fall. Without support, you will break as well.

April 24 - a hope you have for your life I changed one word in this, from what I posted on Instagram, where "might" was "will." I also decided to capitalize "She." Big changes, I know.

@HumanHaiku shared this one (the original version, of course).

I don’t expect great things, but hope people might say, “She was always kind.”

April 25 - something you miss In the summer, we kids would gather at the Banks’s, to play roundsies in their front yard. This was a version of kickball, in which players rotated through the fielding positions and the kicking position. It was ideal since we never could muster enough players to field two teams. It was also disorganized and chaotic, and was, according to Mom, the reason Gene Banks gave up on trying to grow a decent lawn.

The evening game was for fathers, and our older brothers. In reality, this probably happened just once, but it looms large in my memory. I remember cheers for a good hit, and discussions of the latest Pirates game. I remember my father drinking from a bottle of beer, a rarity. I remember showing my mom, and Marge Banks, that I’d figured out how to tie my shoes. It's all a fond memory, a small bit of neighborhood community.

Summer days were for kickball. Nights were for baseball, for watching our dads.

April 26 - anger

This is the version I submitted:

I soon regret my angry words. Can I instead learn to practice peace?

But I prefer this version, with its slight modification; the words (intonation? emphasis?) sound better to my ears.

I soon regret my angry words. Can I learn to practice peace instead?

April 27 - something that delights you

The trees are spring green with buds, tiny promises of splendor and joy.

Spring green in one of our trees

April 28 - a hard thing you're going through

I weigh my struggles; against the world’s challenges, mine appear so small.

April 29 - peace
I was not happy with this, but it was late in the day, so I called it done, even though I cringe every time I read it.

The world can’t promise peace; for that, we must turn to  a higher power.

April 30 - who you are as a human, now 
I wrote so many versions of this! I had woken in a bad mood, and the haiku reflected that, ha ha. I finally came up with this, which was not as dramatically dark as the others.

Can an old dog learn new tricks? I think so; with age come new adventures

Our Bernie, enjoying his adventures

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Beagle Number Four: Bernie

One big event that occurred during my blogging lapse was the addition of Bernie to our family. 

March 2016

Our Bonnie (Beagle Number Three) died in early January, 2016. Almost immediately, Jim started browsing Petfinder, in search of a new companion. He found Bernie, being held at the Eaton County Humane Society. He'd been picked up as a stray, and was estimated to be about four years old. Frankly, I didn't think the picture was very impressive, but Jim persuaded me that we should take a look. We drove there on the Martin Luther King holiday, January 18, 2016. 

Bernie still needed to be neutered, so we couldn't adopt him yet. We took him home, though, as a "foster," with the agreement to bring him back for neutering on the 26th. We then formally adopted him on the 28th, and brought him home for good. For us, though, January 18th is his "gotcha" day.

Because of Bonnie's penchant for digging under the fence, we decided to reinforce the fence before allowing Bernie out back unsupervised. This meant a lot of standing out there with him on a leash, sometimes in snow, sometimes under an umbrella (it was several months before we got the fence sorted). As it turns out, Bernie seems to have no wanderlust at all; he has only wandered off once, and this was when he followed his nose out an open gate.

They say it takes three weeks for a rescue dog to start settling into his new home. This was certainly the case with Bernie! There were days when I wondered, "What have we done?!?" He wanted lots of attention, he beagled my knitting projects, and he barked— a lot! Happily, he did indeed start to settle down after several weeks. 

As soon as possible, we enrolled Bernie in one of Gail's classes at Briar Wood Dog Training. He got along fine with the other dogs. He was smaller than most of them, and announced his arrival each week with riotous howling. It took a while before I could get him to sit, but Gail assured me I wasn't going to break him if I forced his little rump down. When the class ended, he had indeed graduated, and was given the "most improved" award.

We stuck with the classes for a while, attending an intermediate class, and then a hobby class. The socialization was good for him, and he turned out to be a smart little guy (in spite of being a typically stubborn hound). When he finally learned "by heel" and "bang," we felt like he'd arrived! 

We've had Bernie six years now. He's a happy ten-year-old, and very much part of our family. Here are some things we've come to learn about our boy.

  1. He has some anxiety. He doesn't like his crate, but he'll go to it on command, and if we're gone, he's happier there. He knows when we're getting ready to leave, and tries to "hide" in the couch. If I go outside to work in the yard, he isn't interested in joining me, but prefers to simply stand by the door, howling.
  2. He happily eats his dog food, but not until he's sure there's nothing better available. He eats a little after our walk, and leaves the rest until the evening. After he's finished begging (unsuccessfully) for our dinner, he tackles his own food in earnest.
  3. He gets along well with other dogs. We've had dogs stay with us, and while Bernie doesn't play with them, or become best buddies, he is happy to let them share his couch.
  4. Bernie's absolute favorite thing is going for a walk. He lives for his walks, and enjoys a good sniffari - there are so many good smells! He will pause in the park so little kids can pet him (although this is more successful at the end of a walk, when he has satisfied his urge to smell the world). He does like to bark at other dogs, but most people simply laugh and say, "he's a beagle!"
  5. Speaking of which - Bernie is unusually small for a beagle, so we sent a test to Wisdom Panel to check his DNA. We learned that he is 100% beagle. According to the DNA analysis, seven of his great grandparents were field beagles (which I take to mean "hunting"), and one was a show beagle (which I take to mean "not hunting"). I've heard that beagles sometimes end up lost while out hunting; perhaps that was the case with Bernie.
  6. Perhaps because of that hunting gene, he isn't bothered in the least by thunderstorms or by fireworks. This definitely makes our life easier!
  7. If you leave a glass of water on the floor by your feet, Bernie will help himself to it. I sometimes have a jar of M&Ms on the floor, and Bernie has never been interested in them, until one evening, just last week. I looked down to discover him standing there with his nose in the jar, having a good old time!
  8. Bernie likes to play with his treats, throwing them in the air and pouncing on them. Occasionally we hear a desperate howl, calling us to rescue his treat from under some piece of furniture.
  9. As far as we know, he's never met a cat in person. But when he sees one from his perch on the couch, he explodes. There's a grey and white cat who regularly walks past our house (or even in our yard), and Bernie goes ballistic. One time there were baby skunks in the front yard; I thought they were adorable, and Bernie thought they were a danger to life as we know it. Happily, he only observed them through the window. (At this point, I made sure to pick up materials for a de-skunking bath, just in case.)
Here are a few photos from the six years Bernie's been with us. Frankly, it was hard picking just a few; he's a very photogenic boy!

At the shelter in 2016 - a nervous pup

Proof he graduated from his
obedience class

July 2016, Robin & Bernie

October 2016, Bernie and Tonks

Thanksgiving 2016, Jim and Bernie

December 2016, Christmas Party with
Bernie's Briar Wood buddies

"If I can't see you, then you can't see me."

January 2018, watching the world from
his perch on the couch

September 2018, with his tall friend Tundra

November 2018, enjoying the snow

November 2019, looking good in
the fall foliage

April 2021, Bernie's friend Violetta

April 2022

In case you consider a rescue dog!

Friday, April 22, 2022

Haiku Challenge, Part Two

More of the April Haiku. I had planned to post this on the 20th (its being a round number), but life happens... Anyway, here are my latest and greatest (and not-so-greatest).

April 12 - an accomplishment
This haiku describes a bit of music for trumpet. The music is the prelude to Domenico Zipoli's Suite in F Major. I first heard this in the early 1980s, on an LP I bought through a record-of-the-month club. The version I have now is on a CD, "Concertos pour trompette," and is played by Maurice André. 

That trumpeter’s song - the notes climb high, higher, while my heart holds its breath.

Here's a recording of that Prelude - enjoy! 


April 13 - when you feel most alive

Simple food, cooked for friends and family. We eat and enjoy together.

April 14 - grief

I long to chat with Mom again, share that funny story, fix the past.

April 15 - a place you feel safe @HumanHaiku shared this one. It's one of my favorites, too.

This home is kindness and love, trust and acceptance. Here, come as you are.

April 16 - something you love about yourself 

I’ve learned the folly of impatience. Wait and watch are better signposts.

April 17 - an emotion you've felt today Easter Sunday

His disciples shared Sorrow, Amazement, and Joy. Today, we sing Hope.

April 18 - what's happening in the world Woke up to a news report of multiple shootings over the weekend

More shootings today. Ten people, nine, ten more— But guns will protect us.

April 19 - what inspires you @HumanHaiku shared this one, too.

Some ideas don’t come til you begin, til you just put pen to paper.

April 20 - fear

Meeting the stranger, you’re cautious — but be assured: Love can displace fear.

April 21 - where you want to escape to

In the woods, safe from weather, a quiet spot to read, paths to wander

April 22 - an influential person in your life I remember doing math homework with my dad. He kept observing that I needed to write my numbers more neatly, or I'd add the wrong columns and get invalid results. I recently was tutoring a student in math, and found myself encouraging him to write his numbers more neatly...

He put worms on hooks, wanted tidy math papers, loved with kind patience.

Eight more days...! 

Bernie reminds you that it's
National Beagle Day



Monday, April 11, 2022

Haiku Challenge

I am fond of haiku as a poetic form. The Encyclopedia Britannica describes haiku as the "art of expressing much and suggesting more in the fewest possible words" [fn1]. The ability to convey an idea or image in three brief lines, following a (fairly) strict format, seems magical. For instance, here is a haiku by Matsuo Bashō, who wrote in the 1600s:

On a withered branch
A crow has alighted;
Nightfall in autumn.

I've occasionally tried my hand at creating haiku, but have never shared my poems (and I'm not sure I could find them now - probably they're stuck on a hard drive somewhere). I follow @HumanHaiku on Instagram, and for the month of April (National Poetry Month), they've created daily haiku prompts. I've committed to follow those prompts, and write a haiku each day.

So far, it's been an interesting process. I'm very happy with some of my haiku, and less than thrilled with others. I've never been good at anything that requires introspection, so that's been a real challenge. But, challenges notwithstanding, here are the haiku I've written so far.

April 1 - who you are as a human now Ugh. This is my least favorite of my haiku, but they do get better.

Family and friends, yarn and books, writing, walks with my thoughts and the dog.

April 2 - your childhood When I was twelve, my family was investigating a new church. On a Sunday in August, my mother and I attended our first service at this church. The chapel was simple - no stained glass windows here. In fact, with no air conditioning, the windows were probably open to the sounds of traffic outside. @HumanHaiku shared this one.

A new church, with Mom. Summer light thru windows. Hymns, prayers, welcome. We’re home.

April 3 - your teenage years I wasn't brave enough to actually address my teens! Instead, I wrote about my perspective as an adult, looking back.

Laughing in the food aisle, as songs my teen self lived by play overhead.

April 4 - becoming an adult

I’ve finally learned what should be said, and what ought to be left unsaid.

April 5 - your family Mom was a skilled pianist, but felt that we kids should learn piano from someone else. So she taught other kids, after school, so that we four could take our lessons (piano and other instruments - trumpet, flute, clarinet, violin) elsewhere.

Mom taught piano, then turned around and paid for our music lessons.

April 6 - change

Leaf-crunch yields to snow; snow muds into daffodils. We trust the seasons.

April 7 - your community I was pretty happy with this one.

We break bread, share joy, bear each other’s grief, and so build community.

April 8 - your favorite nature spot

The beagle and I, surrounded by trees, pause for the spring peepers’ song

April 9 - failure Mary Oliver's poem, "The Summer Day," includes the lines "Tell me, what is it you plan to do / with your one wild and precious life?" [fn2] My haiku is a bit of a nod to her language there. I sometimes look at my friends - here a CFO, there a published scholar, this one a mother who started a new career when the little ones grew up - and wonder what they think of my small and quiet accomplishments. Perhaps they shake their heads, but I am content. Among the haiku I've written so far, this is one of my favorites. @HumanHaiku shared this one.

If I am content with my small and quiet life, who’s to say that’s wrong?

April 10 - something you’re learning As I was preparing to retire from my programming job, I imagined myself tidying our home, organizing this room, deep cleaning another. Hah! Why did I think I was suddenly going to morph into this new person?

Before, I couldn’t find time for chores. Now I’ve learned to simply ignore them.

April 11 - something you know to be true

Winter has beauty, but when the cold outlasts the snow, Spring will return.

Tomorrow's prompt is "an accomplishment." Yikes.

fn1: See https://www.britannica.com/art/haiku

fn2: See https://www.loc.gov/programs/poetry-and-literature/poet-laureate/poet-laureate-projects/poetry-180/all-poems/item/poetry-180-133/the-summer-day/




Tuesday, March 29, 2022

The Dream Women Called

 In 2009, my sister Lori released a book of poems, House Where a Woman, which I reviewed in this post from 2012.

Last year, she released her second collection, The Dream Women Called, published by Autumn House Press. You can order a copy at Lori's website, LoriWilsonPoet.com, or from your favorite bookseller.

Releasing a book during a pandemic is not ideal; Lori was invited to poetry readings, but they were virtual instead of in-person. One positive was that I could attend her readings no matter where they were held. One negative was that virtual readings don't lead to many sales (so, you should buy her book!).

As I did before, I want to share a few passages from some of Lori's poems, along with some very brief thoughts. Again, I will warn readers that Lori and I are sisters, and thus my viewpoint is anything but objective.

* * *

When to Wake Is to Head down a Road (page 5). This poem describes the potential found in brightly colored threads, potential that might lead somewhere, but then again, might not. A few words conjure up the sounds and sights of a family gathering:

purple silk under my fingers calming in the chaos of smoke, loud talk, 
        heady smells: turkey, butter, black coffee, olives—

the whole family crowding my grandparents' apartment on Peebles Street—
        silver spoon against china cup, ice in a glass, strike of a match.

* * *

Canna Red and Orange (page 8). A mother considers her daughter's cross-country travels, and asks herself:

If what I feel is more envy than worry,
do I love her less?

* * *

In Annapolis and the Dare (page 9). This poem recounts a summer spent living and working with strangers, and conveys a hope and a longing that are left unsatisfied.

I was twenty years old.
I wanted both to be invisible
and to be seen.

. . . 

It was the summer of the bicentennial.
My boyfriend didn't visit
and back home the family dog died.
I dipped my cupped hand with the rest
into bright summer days;
their hands filled with sapphires,
mine with slippery silt, as if
I'd been tricked. I was
never alone, I was always alone
and that summer, a rough stone
began to rub raw a hollow inside me.

* * *

Afterword: For the Circuit Court Deputy Clerk (page 11). Here, the poet muses on the end of a marriage. (Note: I've messed up the formatting of this poem, but I think this is the best I can do with this blogger tool. Find a copy of the book so you can see it properly formatted!)

Dear Clerk: You take eighteen years of marriage, subtract isolation and cold, divide by a lover, again by a lie. Pack the remainder in a cardboard box and move out. I've been sifting through that box for seven years. You never stop asking how it happened. You never stop redoing the math.

* * *

Empty is Good (page 18). In its first two lines, this poem succinctly describes two widely disparate scenarios:

Empty like a dishwasher ready for loading
or empty like a cupboard and the paycheck spent?

* * *

The Day He Struck the Dog (page 22). This poem is painful to read, as the poet documents a moment that overflows with anguish and regret.

She climbed out of the cab,
knelt in the road with two strangers, their dog,
offered to drive them to their car, pay the vet.
She wanted to erase the anguish on their faces,
the dog's pain,
her own silence.

* * *

Mother Accused of Abandoning Children Turns Herself In (page 35). Some homes are filled with a relentless grind, and with a mother's despair and exhaustion.

Eight years with my kids in that house—
read them books between thin plywood walls,
fed them under dangling wires,
bathed them with hauled water
in the blue plastic tub.
Why am I telling you this—
you've decided what I am.

. . . 

And every winter, the snow came
and the same pipes froze
and the wood ran out.

* * *

North on the Caperton Trail (page 39). The poet observes the instinctive focus of a turtle laying her eggs, and wishes for a similar sureness in her own life.

She didn't retreat, and I tell you:
that day I wanted to be unevolved,
to know in the body, each cell affirming
what I should do.
Fear would be irrelevant,
fault and failure nothing but sound.
I wouldn't care who saw
and I wouldn't need praise or a prize at the end—
only my body's sure quiet 

* * *

My Mother Got a Lot of Things Wrong (page 51). This is one of my favorite poems in Lori's collection. The passage of time allows us to add some good memories to the bad, and we find we can grant each other some grace.

My Mother Got a Lot of Things Wrong

but when I was a kid
and afraid I'd swallow a straight pin,
she didn't laugh—
she helped me make a plan,
something to do with eating bread
(to coat the pin)
then visiting Dr. Hoffmeister.
So that's something.

I can't say I loved her.
But there was that straight pin thing
and the time she bought paint
so I could make a mural on my wall.
Also, the smocked christening dress
for the baby and a few other things
I've had fifteen years to remember.

* * *

I Wish I'd Loved the Bat (page 54). A bat invades the home, and the poet observes the kindness offered during its capture.

I wish I could've loved the bat
the way Mike loved it,
talking softly, crooning really,
to the bat he lifted slowly
and settled in the cage.

* * *

The Horse at Dunkard Creek (page 57). This poem is another of my favorites. After a bleak winter, the poet shares some small pleasures, some small victories.

I put the all-seasons back on the Corolla
and carried the snow tires
down to the basement the same day
instead of hauling them around
on the back seat for months.
What I worried was mice in the wall
turned out to be the refrigerator.
Today, I stood on the bank at Dunkard Creek
and the horse ate from my hand.
Iris swam for sticks as long as
I didn't throw them too far,
and the longer I looked at the water,
the more colors I saw.

* * *

Building the Spring House (page 66). After a morning's hard work, the poet encounters an unexpected delight.

It was midafternoon
when we stopped for lunch and I thought
to close the van, and I'd never seen a warbler
or any bird as perfect as the two—
yellow-green, black-hooded—
huddled in a sweatshirt on the seat.
I don't know why they let me lift them
in the nest of my cupped hands, or why
they made no sound, but rested in the ferns
before they flew.

* * *

I hope you will have the opportunity to hold this book in your hands, so that you can enjoy these poems, and others, in their entirety. 



Saturday, March 19, 2022

War Poetry

Back on February 25 - right after Russia attacked Ukraine - I attended an online poetry workshop, hosted by Pádraig Ó Tuama. It was called "Poetry Lab: Exploring Conflict Intelligence Through the Lens of a Single Poem," but on this occasion, Pádraig focused instead on war poetry, as a way to put language around powerlessness.

In my notes, I have four items listed regarding war poetry (which probably sounded more coherent coming from Pádraig, but this is what I have to offer):

  1. A lament
  2. Clear-eyed about death
  3. Bears witness - raises up a small voice
  4. Holds out hope for anthropological change

He shared three poems, which I've linked to here:

One of the participants observed that these three poems teach that we must speak up against war; that speaking up doesn't help; and that the earth will remember, regardless.

Kaminsky's poem circulated widely on social media, in the first days of the Ukraine war. A few lines:

And when they bombed other people’s houses, we

protested
but not enough, we opposed them but not

enough. 

Carruth's poem declares that writing poems about war doesn't change a thing:

but death went on and on
never looking aside

except now and then
with a furtive half-smile
to make sure I was noticing.

Finally, Eckermann's poem bluntly states:

Wildflowers will not grow
where the bone powder
lies
I think that all the poems speak truth, but I hope that someday Carruth will be wrong, that we will recognize the futility of war, that it solves nothing.

(I've been reading Proclaim Peace, by Patrick Q Mason and J David Pulsipher, and find it informing my thinking on this.)



Deer behaving peacefully

Tuesday, March 8, 2022

Choose Kindness

I started this blog back in 2010, and posted regularly for a few years, until October 2014. I don't know what happened next - there was one post in 2015, and then nothing - complete silence for nearly seven years!

When I retired, I decided that I would resume blogging, even if I'm the only person who reads it. A few days ago, I spent time cleaning up broken widgets (so my blog no longer crashes) and remembering how to create posts (still vague on that, but at least I have a clue). I've been going through old pictures, trying to identify major events that happened during this period (we've had significant health issues, lots of family weddings, the arrival of new nieces and nephews, and the addition of Bernie to our pack, to name just a few).

For now, as I move forward with new posts, and try to figure out what I want this blog to be, I'll share a poem by Steve Garnaas-Holmes (from his website https://unfoldinglight.net/2022/03/ ). I like its simple message: Christ chose healing and kindness; we can do the same.

Mother hen

           Some Pharisees said to him, “Herod wants to kill you.”
           He said to them, “Go and tell that fox,
           ‘Today and tomorrow I am performing cures.’
           Oh, Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often have I desired
           to gather your children together
           as a hen gathers her brood under her wings…”

                           —from Luke 13.31-34

Holy One, my Beloved, my Savior, my Chief,
you choose to be a hen in the realm of the fox.
You choose kindness in the face of evil.

Give me faith to do the same,
to heal instead of hurting,
to choose kindness even when threatened.

Give me courage to be a mother hen
in a world of foxes,
for always I am under your wings.